How many times have we found ourselves willing ourselves to go to the gym or psyching ourselves up to make a start on something. 'Come on - get yourself to the gym' 'maybe go later' 'stop being pathetic and get yourself there' 'just put your gym clothes on' 'why didn't you just go, what is wrong with you!' Just some of the negative self talk I have definitely said to myself.
Does this resonate?
In the past I have tried to tackle this negative self talk with positive self talk. I have listened to a million motivational podcasts, read articles and books, put motivational quotes on my Stories, followed instagram accounts for the purpose of building some positivity into my life. Sent myself and others 'positive vibes'. That's a good thing eh?
I followed up my quest for positivity with finding way to 'fix' myself. Acupuncture, cupping, sports massage, yoga, Personal Training, Peloton, walking, etc etc
Then why didn't I feel better? All these things are positive aren't they? All these things are suggested ways to teach ourselves self care and positive self talk.
So why did I feel the lowest I have ever felt? Where I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed, where I needed it all to stop! Feeling in a fog with no glimmer of light, no hope whatsoever. I was trying to fix things, I was so aware of how I was feeling and putting things in place to make changes so why was I not seeing any progress? Just deeper and deeper depression and crippling anxiety.
Could it be that labelling events, feelings and emotions as positive vs negative is actually counterproductive? Surely thinking in a positive way has to be a good thing right? However, labelling as positive or good actually means that on the flip side there has to be a negative or bad event, feeling or emotion. So labelling in itself maybe is not helpful. When things feel negative then it is a depressing headspace, and conversely when things are positive we may be feeling good but that means a 'down' time has to come eventually.
What would happen if we stopped labelling things as:
Good vs Bad
Positive vs Negative
On It vs Fallen off Wagon
Right vs Wrong
Should vs Shouldn't
Can vs Can't
What if we think of things as just what they are. Not labelled, not judged, just they are what they are. What if we take the pressure off and stop telling ourselves we 'should be' doing something or 'shouldn't be' doing something. What if we think of things as neutral. Better still, why don't we just stop thinking and start doing? Maybe the 'thinking' is adding to the pressure.
Maybe just maybe we can then be in the moment, if we feel like going to the gym, then go, if you don't feel like going then don't. No recriminations, no beating ourselves up mentally, just go with how you feel not what you're thinking. Maybe those nagging doubts that you are not good enough or that you might fail or the fear of the unknown might just go away. This may also help with those negative traits of 'blaming others' and victim mentality.
No more overanalysing, no more worry, just be in the moment, do what makes your heart sing. No more positive vibes! Just be. I am going to start this by taking small actions, small changes no more no less. Consistency.
Comments